I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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