Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Plan B is the new Plan A
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
