Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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