Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize