I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
