It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
