Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
