she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
