while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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