I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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