I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm jealous of your bromance
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
