the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can't just leave with hair like that
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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