there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize