Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
