She is in my trunk
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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