I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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