i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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