watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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