thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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