We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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