whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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