I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
