Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
