Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
