I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
