Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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