I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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