We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
