If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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