can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
