Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
