I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
