Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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