I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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