6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize