I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
