Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
