When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
