I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
