my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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