what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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