Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize