I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found the puke drawer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
