I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
