I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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