pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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