please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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