Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
