If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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