Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
