I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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