A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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