I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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