i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
