My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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