just come out here and I will go home with you...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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