drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
