you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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