So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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