They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
