I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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